paradise patrol

Thought I'd pop in! We're on the last leg of our jaunt through paradise and here are a few things I've learned.

*Complete strangers love to brag about how much vacation property they own (great conversation starter and killer)
*I appeal immensely to inebriated gentlemen of every age and demographic
*Ice cream everyday translates into a desperate need for spanx (quest to ensue once I hit the mainland)

Had a great time today watching Soprano and the kids snorkel! Soprano tried to entice me into the fish infested waters but I sort had my mind set on a sand nap and I had already double dared myself to do so. (I'm not athletically inclined by nature. I mean if I had to fake 'sporty' for a year or so to land a man I could do it but hey I've already landed Soprano so sand nap ensued).

When I came to, a 40ish looking slightly disheveled surfer type was making his rounds combing the beach for babes to hit on and since all those inebriated gentlemen had boosted my ego to places it obviously does not belong, I assumed naturally I would be next. So when his dog wandered over to me I anticipated his arrival by telling myself I would proselytize to this one (by the way he cackled and tried to touch the gal in front of me I figured he might need it). Funny how as soon as I had this thought he disembarked his current endeavour and disappeared furiously down the opposite direction (and I haven't met my quota of inebriated gentlemen since). Hmm.

The tide brings in Soprano and DD who proudly tells me she didn't find Nemo but saw Dorey. "You know the one who can't remember anything" She says it in a tone that suggests I might have the same problem.

Soprano announces "I might surf this spot."

Now don't get me wrong. Soprano is a strong surfer...but something about the monument dedicated to 12 dead surfers I'm practically leaning against puts me off and has me questioning his decision making skills all at the same time.

Then later while Soprano is BBQ'ing dinner a tall brunette proceeds to carry on a robust conversation with him while I lounge inconspicuously across the pool. Being the jealous type and quite nosy I head on over in an effort to better listen in. Soprano must take this as his ticket out because he then turns his back to her and she continues to yip away at me without missing a beat. Quickly she relay's this information.
*she owns 4 weeks at a five star resort in Mexico that sleeps ten.
*2 weeks at the lush resort in which we currently reside (which I think she has mistaken me for an owner myself but nay, I own no such thing)
*she gasps in horror when I tell her I have four kids. (I did say four and not fourteen, right? Anyway, same difference to her)

I'm half tempted to tell her I own real-estate in Heaven which BTW I received for free, on spec of course, but don't.

Then she asks me some question which I don't really hear but answer anyway...which obviously I answered incorrectly judging by the aghast expression on her face.
*Hey, cut me some slack lady. I'm a blond and I'm eating dinner in the rain, you do the math.*

She scuttles away with her Steak and BBQ'ed pineapple so fast and I'm pretty content with the end result.



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